I was working with an individual the other day who was having a mental health crisis while in jail. A little background, this individual was requesting to be seen for suicidal ideation with a plan of “smashing their head into a brick wall until it does the trick.” My initial thought “dude this fucker is insane.” Second thought “We are all insane.” It was what this individual said before this that intrigued me “I am weak.” This individual is about 10 years older than me, has been through the system a few times, and most likely has seen his fair share of mental health workers. What am I going to say that would stop him from wanting to die a slow miserable death? I am going to agree with him on his level. He says he is weak so he must be weak; I am just meeting him so it would be rude of me to disagree, right?
The conversation that followed was inspirational. For my social workers out there, you know this trick; over agree with the client until they being to disagree with their own statements. Within minutes this individual was able to identify, “I am not weak because of x,y,z.” I then play the confused person, “I guess I don’t get why you want to smash your head into a wall if you don’t agree that you’re weak.” Granted, this person is also in a shitty situation that is unchangeable so there is nothing that a social worker can do to “fix” it; besides be human. So I said that, “Look, you have a shit pile for life right now so I could see why killing yourself is appealing. The thing is, there is a wall right there and I have yet to see bloodshed. Tell me what I am missing here.” Long story short, the conversation went from dying to reasons not to die, resulting in a discussion about hope. He then stated, “nothing gives me hope so I may as well kill myself."
While this is a more dramatic story, it is also relatable! How many of us follow the same daily routine, whether this is a positive or negative routine, without having a clear picture of where we are going or where we want to be heading? What gives us hope that we can survive to the next day? What makes us want to continue working a job we hate? What personal checkpoints will we have to meet before we die that will indicate to us, “yep, I lived a happy life.” Obviously, we are human and our brain is wired to want validation, acceptance, and love. But why are there people who have “the perfect life” who still feel unsatisfied, “stuck”, depressed, suicidal… you name it!
Is it really that simple? Putting genetics of mental health and brain chemicals aside, does it boil down to what gives you hope? I’m talking about authentic hope, not the normal idea of hope. For example, what was appealing to us as kiddos to become adults. We can agree that it wasn’t to work all day and be tired all the damn time. Freedom… are we living the life we hoped we would have as kids? Is it a better life? Is it worse?
One of my biggest fears is being elderly and not having the answers to the above questions. I fear settling into a life that is unsatisfying and built on an unchangeable routine. With that, I do understand traveling the world with no income is unrealistic. However, I find my hope by working in order to travel because to me, traveling means knowledge of the world, memories, and opportunities to connect with people outside of my, intentionally built, small bubble.
Knowing there are opportunities for growth, education, and to help others makes me get out of bed every day despite the routine of the day, depression, and anxiety. I will know I reached my purpose when I have pictures with loved ones at all the places on my bucket list, can share memories of skydiving, swimming with sharks, all the crazy adventures I can think of, and have pet all the doggies ☺
Is it really that simple? Can something as simple as having a clear picture of what you want your life to be and actually doing that .. assist with increasing hope and in this case, stop someone from committing suicide by smashing their head into a brick wall?
Maybe or maybe not but it sounds like a good place to start.